Michelle Buckley

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Thursday, January 18, 2007

How Healthy Are Your Relationships?

I wanted to take a bit of a break from the writing/publishing entries I usually post. I saw the following online today and I thought it was important enough to share. Below are ten signs of a healthy relationship. While these are pretty basic, often it's the basic things in life that we tend to ignore and overlook. So...how healthy are your relationships...whether it's a love, friendship, parental or sibling relationship? If you're lacking in any areas -- remember it's the start of a new year -- and now is as good a time as any to make your relationships stronger!

Peace & Blessings...may your relationships be
all you want them to be in 2007 and beyond~

Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.

Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?

Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?

Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy? While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is great advice! Thanks for sharing.

9:05 PM, January 18, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, on everything, but one modification and one more key.

Modification: Parents have to PLAN to be spontaneous in their intimate relationship or it doesn't happen or gets interrupted a lot, which can erode at the marriage.

Key to Add: Staying Power. Lots of couples call it quits over things which can be resolved or which will pass in time. When my husband went back to college so he could switch careers, it was very hard on the whole family. But, we stuck it out and got through it.

By the way...Hi, Michelle! (waving excitedly)

Kimber An

10:06 AM, January 20, 2007  
Blogger Michelle said...

Gwyneth -- hey girl, you're right. I think of it as a refresher course -- Relationships 101.

Kimber An -- the staying power one is a great addition. Lots of couples aren't committed to staying committed as a good friend of mine always says!

Waving backatcha -- hope all is well!

6:56 PM, January 20, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great reminder. A list similiar to this helped me to realize that I needed a friendship a few years ago.

11:38 PM, January 20, 2007  

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